Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Believing in the “The One” Myth is Damaging Your Love Life

Life is not a fairytale

For a long time now, society has believed that there is that one special person out there for every one of us. We have been made to believe that unless we find this metaphorical unicorn, we will never be complete. It is everywhere from the books we read to the movies we watch. However, numerous studies, surveys and social experiments have shown that this is probably the greatest scam of all time.

There is no such thing as “The One.”

There is truly no such thing as ‘The One.’ There are, of course, great loves and perfect matches that we all strive to have in our lives. However to let yourself believe that only one man or woman can give you such fulfillment is a great injustice to yourself.

Think of it this way, a lot of people remarry after divorce and getting widowed. If they took time to heal and mourn their losses, it isn’t impossible for them to give all of their love to someone new.

The same applies to any other relationship. No matter how much you loved each other, there is always someone else out there who could make you just as happy if not more if only you gave them a chance.

3 reasons why you need to let go of this mindset

Believing this myth could hurt not only your relationship but also your love life. Here are the three main ways this happens.

1. It blinds you to the potential out there

If you are so fixated on finding this mystery man or woman that will make you whole there is a good chance that you will not give really good people a chance. More often than not the belief is accompanied by a list of must-have traits that you believe your perfect partner will have. So anyone who doesn’t meet the criteria doesn’t stand a chance.

It is not only unhealthy but hinders you from enjoying what variety there is out there. You might just be surprised at how amazing your connection is with that short, pale and not so handsome guy you ignore.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Are You Guilty of Micro-Cheating?

2. It makes you stay where you shouldn’t

The opposite effect of blocking out great partners is hanging on to toxic ones, and this is just as bad.

For example, you might find yourself lowering your self-worth and letting your partner get away with things that he or she should not. All because you think that they are your soul mate and you will never have it as better than you have it in that relationship. Hanging on is without a doubt one of the unhealthiest mindsets you can have about love and relationships.

3. It could create an unhealthy obsession with a past lover

Getting obsessed happens to even the best of us. You somehow dared to break free of that one person you were convinced was The One. The relationship was toxic, and you just had enough. Or maybe it is that ex who felt this way towards you. Whatever the case, there is usually a feeling of greater loss than normal thus the notion of ‘The One that got away’ was born.

Having such special feelings for some even after you break up is the fastest way to starve and destroy your new one. You will always consciously or subconsciously compare the two which is not only unhealthy but also unfair to your new partner.

What should you believe?

• Love takes time; it just takes less of it for some of us and more for others.
• Everyone’s story is different and in its way beautiful.
It is all about putting in the work no matter who you’re with and how special you feel your bond is.
• Everyone deserves to be happy; even you. Especially you.
• You do not owe anyone anything so do not stick around when things start to get toxic.

Conclusion

In a nutshell, the idea of ‘The One’ is all in your mind. Once you let go of this notion, you will be liberated and in a great relationship to have healthier relationships than you ever imagined possible. However, this does not mean that you can get along well with just about anyone who looks your way. Not at all. The important thing is to establish compatibility and be willing to put in the work that it takes to build a relationship.

The post Believing in the “The One” Myth is Damaging Your Love Life appeared first on Single's Space.



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Sunday, November 18, 2018

Time For The Big Talk: 8 Tips To Help You Define Your Relationship

Moving from just friends to lovers

You have been talking online for a while, and you feel it is time to take the next step. Everything seems perfect. You get along great, your dates are always epic, and you can truly see this girl or guy in your future. However, no matter how well you match your approach to the relationship defining conversation may either make or break your bond.

A DTR (define the relationship) talk is something that many people avoid. However, its value when it comes to creating stronger and more stable relationships cannot be ignored. The important thing is to handle the matter delicately and maturely. If you have no idea where to start in this case, here are a few tips that will come in handy.

How to handle the DTR conversation

Timing is everything

Defining the relationship is something you need to find the perfect time for. If you do it too early, it might seem like you are rushing things. On the other hand, if you wait too long, then you might end up getting too comfortable and simply never doing it at all. There is no set time as every relationship is different but a few weeks to a month would be a great option to consider.

Do not force or get forced into the conversation

While timing is very important you both need to be on the same page for it to work. Maybe you or your partner is not ready to settle down and needs a little more time before making such a big decision. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. If either of you is hesitant, then you should have time to get your head in the game.

There is no right or wrong status

There is a common misconception that DTR talks should always lead to committed and exclusive relationships. The truth is that you can brand your relationship whatever your heart desires. Whether you want to be friends with benefits or in a polyamorous arrangement, all that matters is that you both agree.

Consider not only your needs but also your partner’s

This conversation gives you a chance to voice your needs. However, do not be so focused on what you want that you forget your partner’s needs. If for some reasons they do not align, you may want to consider a healthy compromise.

Be open and vulnerable

The conversation is likely to seem very formal and awkward at first. However, do not let this hinder you from opening up. Let your partner know exactly how you feel about them and the relationship. This vulnerability is very important for a successful DTR talk.

Make it an open conversation and not a Q&A

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when handling this conversation is treating it like a question and answer session. Questions are of course inevitable, but they shouldn’t take up the bulk of the communication. So stick to the “I feel…” and “what do you think…” formats, and you should be good.

Include your hard limits and non-negotiables

Most people focus only on their needs and expectations while having the ‘define the relationship’ conversation and completely ignore hard limits. Later on, these issues that you failed to mention start to crop up and could spell doom for your relationship. Instead of exposing yourself to the risk of being caught off guard, make sure to express what you are not willing to put up within the relationship.

You need to conclude on the same page

Every DTR conversation needs to end with a definitive description of where the relationship stands. If someone random stopped and asked you what you are after you would have a one statement answer and “It’s complicated” is not it. If you are not on the same page about things like expectations, you may have to take a break and figure things out separately.

Conclusion

The DTR talk is one that you should have during your interactions with your significant other. It is the perfect way to increase the chances of getting what you want from the relationship. So do not shy away from it. It might seem a little awkward at first, but you will feel a lot more settled and at peace when you have it.

The post Time For The Big Talk: 8 Tips To Help You Define Your Relationship appeared first on Single's Space.



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Thursday, November 1, 2018

Are You Guilty Of Micro-Cheating?

What is micro-cheating?

Relationships these days are riddled with all sorts of infidelity landmines. With so much temptation out there, it is very easy to land yourself in trouble whether it is by innocently liking a social media post or striking up an online friendship with a stranger. You need to be very careful to tiptoe around these traps if you do not want your relationship to blow up.

One of the most interesting new pitfalls is micro-cheating. Micro-cheating is where you or your partner participate in subtle and seemingly inconsequential acts of physical or emotional unfaithfulness. You may or may not be aware that what you are doing is wrong which makes it all worse. If this is the case for you, here are a few signs that you can use to figure out whether or not you are guilty.

9 Signs you are doing it

You are keeping more and more secrets

Do you ever find yourself keeping things from your partner? It could be anything from a secret social media account to a recent night out with your pal where you made a new friend. You are most likely subconsciously keeping these events private because you do not want to make your spouse suspicious. This kind of behavior means that there is something to be suspicious about.

Telling one too many white lies

Micro-cheaters often tell a lot of white lies to cover for their poor actions. Because of the mild nature of this form of infidelity, usually, major lies are not involved. However, those little white lies are what make it wrong.

Your phone is a fortress

If you find yourself constantly protecting your phone from your partner, then you are probably guilty micro-cheating. You won’t leave your phone in the same room as your significant other even for a second. And when you do you leave it better protected than Fort Knox with complex passcodes and entry patterns.

You are still active on online dating sites

Not deleting online dating accounts like on AmoLatina is the most irrefutable piece of evidence that you are guilty of micro-cheating. There is truly no reason for you to maintain an active presence on online dating sites after getting into a committed relationship. This wandering eye often leads to emotional and even physical infidelity. So watch yourself before you wreck yourself.

Your conscience is eating you alive

Another major sign to be aware of is constant guilt. Even when you ‘haven’t done anything’ you end up feeling dirty and remorseful. More often than not this is your subconscious reacting to something that you know deep down you should not be doing.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Caught Your Spouse With an Online Dating Profile? Here’s What You Should Do

Holding on to past relationships

You might have had an awesome relationship with your ex. You probably don’t think you will ever find anything like it. These are normal feelings, but they are very unhealthy for relationships. If you keep holding on to the memory of past relationships, then you are micro-cheating. It comes about because you long for an emotional or physical connection with someone other than your current beau. However, the way you want to phrase it this is an undeniable breach of trust.

You get easily irritated when suspicions are brought up

Irritation is another way your subconscious awareness of your wrong actions manifests itself. Whenever your spouse asks too many questions or acts suspiciously, you immediately get aggressive and defensive. If you have nothing to hide, then you have no reason to fight.

Pushing your partner away emotionally

Micro-cheating will often cause you to push your partner away both physically and emotionally. You will find yourself not being present or attentive when you hang out with here. There is also the tendency to avoid physically hanging out with the person.

Your close friends keep reprimanding you

Finally, you will know when you are micro-cheating if your friends tell you that. Note that this only applies if you have friends who are aware of what it is and the fact that it is not ok. They will often warn you to be careful not to get caught.

Conclusion

If you exhibit even one of these signs, then you need to take a long hard look at your life. It is not a good road that you are heading down, and if you value your relationship, you need to do something about it. The signs will also come in handy if you wish to confirm suspicions that your spouse may be micro-cheating on you. Whatever the case, this form of infidelity is something you cannot afford to ignore whether you are the victim or the guilty party.

The post Are You Guilty Of Micro-Cheating? appeared first on Single's Space.



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Friday, October 19, 2018

Caught Your Spouse With an Online Dating Profile? Here’s What You Should Do

When happily ever after gets disrupted

There is probably nothing that can compare to the hurt experienced when a spouse cheats. You thought you had finally found your prince charming and escaped all the troubles of single life. Only for them to follow you right into your married life.

These days, one of the most frustrating forms of infidelity is online dating while in committed relationships. The worst part is that it is difficult for many people to determine whether or not it is cheating especially if it all remained online.

Is it cheating if he/she did nothing?

Before we get into details on what to do when you find your husband or wife on a dating site, lets first clear up the huge debate. Cheating is cheating. Bottom line. End of story. Please do not argue. It doesn’t matter if it’s the alleged harmless flirting kind or they moved it offline into a physical relationship. Do not brush it off simply because they say that they didn’t do anything.

The chances are that they are lying about it or they would have ended up doing something worse had you not caught up. As a result, it is very important to ensure that you handle the situation with the same zest as you would have normal cheating. So here are a few things you could do to help you through these hard times.

How to deal with finding your partner on a dating site

1. Be open about it without being confrontational

One of the biggest challenges when it comes to these situations is striking a balance between being honest and avoiding boxing your partner into a corner. If you go in guns blazing, you will not achieve much. Most caught spouses take the hard defense stance and will deny everything or shift blame.

Instead, calm down, gather the facts and present them in such a way that there is no chance to argue. It is also important for you to explain how betrayed and hurt you feel. Sometimes this is the only way to get them to see that what they did wasn’t ok.

2. Ask them why they did it

There is no justifiable reason for a married or committed person to have an online dating profile. However, giving them a chance to explain themselves can help if you plan on fixing things. So ask them to explain and give them a chance to finish. You need to let your beau speak his or her mind. Even if it hurts.

3. Work on any issues that could have contributed

Once you have gotten them to open up about their reasons, you need to be willing to work on those issues. Maybe she feels that you do not give her enough attention and compliments. It could be that your husband feels like your relationship dynamics constantly bruise his ego.
That does not in any way mean that it is your fault. Not at all. However, if there are things that can change that will help, then it is best to address them early.

4. Make them deactivate their profiles

You cannot move forward while the problem persists. Therefore, even while you have your heart to heart talks, it is important to remember and address the main issue. Insist that they deactivate all dating site accounts. Do not put it as an ultimatum but make sure to be clear about how important it is to you.

5. Keep it between the two of you

You will be tempted to share your anger, hurt and disappointment with anything that has a pulse. Don’t do it if you plan on giving it another try. If you feel you really must let it out talk to someone who is unbiased like a therapist. Telling friends or family will make them form negative notions against your spouse which will make it impossible for you to bounce back as a healthy couple.

6. If you can, then forgive them

All factors considered you need to let it go. Forgive your partner and try your best to put the past behind you. It means that bringing it up in future arguments is a major no-no.

7. If you can’t forgive, then leave

If for some reason you cannot let it go then do not torture yourself. Marriage is a big deal, and it is a serious commitment, but it is also important that you look out for yourself. Considering an exit strategy is especially important if your partner has a significant history of cheating on you and making promises that he doesn’t bother to keep.

The post Caught Your Spouse With an Online Dating Profile? Here’s What You Should Do appeared first on Single's Space.



source https://www.singles-space.com/spouse-online-dating-profile-what-to-do/

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

It IS possible to start off a relationship long-distance. Here’s how

The beauty of a rocky start

There is this unfortunate and misguided notion that relationships that begin over long distance do not stand a chance. That couldn’t possibly be further from the truth. Starting with an LDR setup has its does own set of challenges. However, not being easy does not mean that it is impossible to do it right. All you have to do is to figure out the best way to get things going. To help you, here are 8 foolproof tips that will ensure that your relationship gets a healthy start in spite of the distance challenges.

How to start out as an LDR couple

Make your expectations clear

What exactly do you want from your partner if this is to work out for you? It could be anything from daily calls to romantic gestures to keep things hot and interesting. Making these clear is very important at the beginning of a long distance relationship. It ensures that both you and your partner know how to keep each other happy.

Discuss any insecurities or trust issues

In addition to talking about what you want, you need to be open about what you are afraid of. These relationships can be scary, and you will have a lot of insecurities to work through. The best way to keep these from escalating and ruining your relationship is discussing them beforehand. That way you can reassure each other and know what to avoid for your partner’s sake.

Embrace technology as the third member of the relationship

There will always be three parties in every long-distance relationship. Technology plays a major role as it helps bridge the distance between you and your significant other. Imagine coming home to a video call on AmoLatina’s mobile app after a long day of work. She is there in front of her laptop with no makeup and sweats on. It is almost like they are there with you and it is all because of technology. So embrace it and get the most out of the different channels.

Come up with a schedule

This idea might seem boring, but it saves you a lot of trouble down the line. Figure out things like when to call and specific dates for in-person visits. That helps to eliminate uncertainty that in turn leads to insecurity. However, it does not mean that you cannot talk or check in on each other when it isn’t on the schedule.

Channel your inner hopeless romantic

With proximity being off the table as a way to show love, you need to find great alternatives. One of the best is being super romantic. Find ways to make your partner feel special, and your new long distance relationship will last. It could be something simple like cute texts throughout the day or planning a surprise online date. You could also choose to be extra and go for some grand gesture like a surprise physical visit or a care package shipment.

That makes your partner feel loved and thought of resulting in a very healthy relationship.

Discuss your relationship end goal

Where is this going? What is the point? These are very important questions to ask when starting a relationship where distance is involved. Having a specific end goal makes the entire process bearable. A great example here is agreeing that one of you will move to where the other is as the relationship grows. You could also decide to set up roots somewhere new together.

Prepare to learn patience the hard way

Psychologically prepare yourself for hard times ahead if you want your newbie long distance relationship to work. Patience is particularly important, and you will have to practice this not only on your partner but for the sake of your sanity to survive the circumstances.

Start working on yourself

Do not forget to focus on yourself when starting an LDR. Pick up a new hobby, learn a cool skill or even go back to school. Investing in self-progress makes the entire long distance set up a lot easier to deal with for the sake of the relationship.

Summary

With these eight tips, genuine love and willingness to work on your relationship, distance should not be an issue. You might end up having a more mature and stable relationship than a couple that lives under the same roof. So do not be too hard on yourselves and your relationship. It will work out.

The post It IS possible to start off a relationship long-distance. Here’s how appeared first on Single's Space.



source https://www.singles-space.com/possible-to-start-relationship-long-distance/

Friday, September 14, 2018

Deepen Your Connection With Your Partner With These 10 Questions

Your relationship is only going to be as strong as your connection with your partner. There are many ways to strengthen this bond including spending time together and investing in shared interests. What is one of the most successful ways to deepen the connection is by asking the right questions.

Now I don’t mean boring old ‘what are you thinking?’ or ‘how was your day?’ questions. You need to get down and dirty and find out what goes on in the deepest and darkest corners of your significant other’s mind. Here are ten questions that could help.

Ten must-ask questions

1. What are we?

This question gets a bad rep, especially with new couples. However, it is probably one of the most important ones to ask this early in the relationship. Defining your status lets you know exactly what you are getting into. Trust me the last thing you want is to put in long-term relationship effort in a casual friends-with-benefits set-up.

2. Where is this going?

That is particularly important for couples who have stayed together longer or those in long distance relationships. It is another one that helps put things into perspective for the sake of your future. It is important to note that things do not always go according to plan but it is always better to have a specific end goal in mind.

3. What type of relationship do we want?

Do you want an open relationship? Do you want a sugar daddy/ sugar momma type of relationship? Do you want a 50/50 equal partnership? Understanding your couple style is very important. The answer to this question ensures that you are both on the same page regarding your general expectations from each other.

4. What do you think about my family/friends?

If you plan on settling with someone for the long run, then you need to know what your friends and family think about them. It is also important to know what your partner thinks of your close relations. That is important to avoid conflicts in the future.

5. What makes you the happiest?

Here is where you start to get deep. Understanding what makes your partner want to wake up every day is a powerful way to bond. It also gives you an idea of how to cheer them up.

6. If you had a blank cheque what would you spend on first?

It is an important question as it allows you to identify your partner’s priorities. Please note that there is no right or wrong answer here so if your man says he would buy a Ferrari do not crucify him for being materialistic. It is a fun and low-pressure way also to figure out what their deepest desires are.

7. How can we spice up our sex life?

Do not forget about your physical connection when bonding with your beau. Do not shy away from asking what your partner expects or telling him/her what you want in the bedroom. Or wherever else it is you do it. The answers will allow you to satisfy their needs for a stronger and healthier relationship.

8. Who from your past shaped your life the most?

It is a great way to find out more about your significant other’s past. It could be a teacher who inspires them, a parent who molded their character or even a friend who changed their perspective.

9. What is the most traumatic event in your past?

We all have baggage. It could be anything from a toxic relationship to a devastating loss. It is important to address these issues and identify their potential impact on your relationship. You might even want to consider therapy here if things get a little too dark and heavy.

10. What would you like your legacy to be?

The kind of legacy someone wants to leave tells you a lot about them. The answer to this question will allow you to get a glimpse not only of who your beau is but who they wish they were. It also gives you an idea of whether or not your aspirations in life complement each other.

Bottom line

There are many other questions you need to ask, but these ten are among the most important. They help to see your relationship without the heart shaped lenses in your eyes and as a result, make you a stronger couple. So ask, even when it seems awkward. You will not regret it.

The post Deepen Your Connection With Your Partner With These 10 Questions appeared first on Single's Space.



source https://www.singles-space.com/deepen-your-connection-with-your-partner-with-these-10-questions/

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Is Online Dating Draining All Your Energy?

Finding love is hard work

If you have tried online dating then you know it is a lot like getting a second job. There is research to be done, interviews to be conducted, correspondence to be engaged in and so much more. Ok; maybe that’s a tad bit of an exaggeration. It’s not all that bad. Online dating can be a lot of fun. However, if you do not organize your time wisely it will leave you exhausted; both emotionally and physically. Here are signs that you need a break as well as tips to help keep you sane as you go through the process.

Four ways that online dating takes its toll

1. You aren’t getting enough shut-eye

Have you ever found yourself up past midnight replying to texts from online matches on AmoLatina.com? If the answer is yes then you, my friend, need a break. Online dating can be and is addictive. There is just something about all the attention you get that keeps you up all night. However, this could have serious negative effects on your life and health if it affects your sleeping patterns.

2. Your fingers are getting sore

Yes, that can actually happen. If you are constantly swiping left or right then your thumbs will have a lot to complain about. Maybe you are exhausting them with all the typing you are doing. Whatever the case, it is important to understand and appreciate these physical consequences of being glued to your phone in the name of online dating.

3. It is constantly on your mind

If online dating is all you ever think about, then it will leave you exhausted. You find yourself remembering that sweet compliment from John Online Dating Doe. Or it could be that you can’t get over the fact that you got ghosted by the girl of your dreams after finally plucking up the courage to text ‘hey’. This obsession will take a toll on you psychologically.

4. It’s just not fun anymore

If you find yourself no longer excited about the process, then there is a problem. You can’t bear to go on one more date. You groan and roll your eyes every time you receive a text because you know you have to get back to your ‘job’ and come up with a reply. That is one of the most common signs of online dating fatigue and will take away from the beauty of your experience.

How to deal with the fatigue

It is pretty clear now that online dating can be brutal. However, this isn’t a good reason to give up on it at all. All you have to do is figure out how to balance your life and manage your time. Here are five tips that should help.

Get a life

Sorry; but a little tough love here and there is important sometimes. Focusing on other aspects of life gives you a way to escape when it all gets too hard. Get a new hobby. Connect with your friends. With these distractions, you will not have to always turn to online dating to keep you occupied.

Have an actual schedule

If you are a type A planner, then this tip should work beautifully for you. Designate some time in your day to online interactions. The evening is, of course, the best time. It is also important as you do this to make your matches aware so that it doesn’t come across as if you are ignoring them.

Be selective about who you interact with

You do not have to respond to every message in your online dating inbox. Remember that you do not owe anyone anything. Pity replies drain your energy and waste your time as you, more than anyone else, know that the relationship is going nowhere. So stick to people you are interested in pursuing something long term with.

Move your relationship offline

Another way to avoid online dating fatigue is to move the relationship into the real world. Having actual dates is important as it helps you narrow down on matches that have Mr. or Mrs. Right potential. That way, you do not have to spend time or energy on relationships with no future.

Give yourself some time off

Just take some time to love yourself and take care of number one. This regrouping is important as it helps you figure yourself out before you go sharing your heart with someone else.

Go forth and date smartly

In a nutshell, online dating is not easy. However, with smart planning, you should be able to get the most out of the experience without burning out. The most important thing is to strike a healthy balance between your online and offline lives. With all the information provided above, this should be a piece of cake.

The post Is Online Dating Draining All Your Energy? appeared first on Single's Space.



source https://www.singles-space.com/is-online-dating-draining-all-energy/